AFRAID TO LIVE
It happened suddenly but there were signs not seen,
Tired day to day as I went my way, feeling strange.
Simple choices I made would save my life on this day,
I went walking but did not cross the street, why?
Something strange, back home would be the way,
Wanted to just lay on my bed, that thought would change.
A decision to visit a hospital was not my usual way,
I wanted to go home, they convinced me to stay for the day.
I felt alright in the cardiac unit that night, late comedy in sight,
Something hit me hard, pain shot through my eyes and face,
What guided me to this perfect place, what walked with me this day?
A miracle? I believe in my own way, a message of hope sent from far away,
A reason and purpose that I again have survived a physical disaster.
With these thoughts I am now afraid to live as my heart and mind have been scarred,
I am not a super hero or free from danger, I am mortal and fragile In this world.
I believe the lord wants for me to see all things In a way not seen or have forgotten,
Taken for granted as most of us do at times, there may not be a tomorrow, the rest of this day.
I struggle with a fear now and that which I have to accomplish with a gift given, another chance,
Afraid to live Is not what I want for myself, God help me to overcome and understand.